Back on Earth (RP with knowshowtosurf)

[julepsnmedicine]

It had been a long few days.

Katie had been through so much, and Leonard knew that it wasn't going to be easy. In addition to recovering from her injuries and talking to her family, there was dealing with the memories and nightmares. Leonard wanted badly to be there for her every moment, but as chief medical officer, he had to check on the other Lexington survivors as well.

Unfortunately, they lost one of them the following day when a condition that had been exacerbated by the crew's treatment in captivity turned critical.

A couple of days after the rescue, Starfleet Command requested that the survivors all be returned to Earth so they could be debriefed on what had happened. When Jim told him, Leonard knew that they was no way he was going to let Katie - much less the others - go without him. He hadn't even needed to ask Jim, though. Before he could make the request, the captain told him that as their doctor, he would be accompanying them back.

So once all the survivors were well enough, the Enterprise rendezvoused with another ship. Leonard continued sharing quarters with Katie while all the other survivors stayed on the same level, so they were nearby. A psychiatrist had been sent to talk with them on the journey back.

The morning of the day they were supposed to reach Earth, Leonard woke up, holding Katie the way he had every morning. He kissed her temple before gently brushing her hair back from her face.

"We're arrivin' today," he told her softly. "Do you think you'll be okay? I'm gonna make sure I'm nearby the whole time in case you need me."

Comments

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

The days following her rescue from the Klingon prison camp hadn't been easy. Katie's physical injuries were healing just fine, and she was finally able to eat full meals without getting sick to her stomach. However, none of that stopped the emotional pain and distress she felt.

There were days when Katie wished she could end it all. She wanted to die instead of suffering through it. It was the easy way out, but desperation sometimes out ruled logic. However, she couldn't do it. Every time Katie thought about slicing her flesh and allowing herself to bleed to death, her mind drifted to Leonard.

Her sweet and wonderful Leonard.

He had been there for her as much as he could. SHe didn't mind it when he left during the day since she wasn't sleeping, but she desperately needed him at night. Being curled beside him made the nightmares less frightening. How could she end her life and leave him behind?

When it was announced the survivors would be going back to Earth, Katie had panicked. Katie didn't want to be without Leonard, and was glad he would be going with them. She almost didn't feel whole unless he was there, even though part of her was sure it wasn't healthy. Katie knew she shouldn't become so attached to him, especially since there was a chance she would have to stay on Earth after the debriefing.

She was awake when Leonard kissed her temple. Looking at him, she slowly nodded. "I should be. My parents and sisters are going to meet us there," Katie told him before worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "They're going to make me stay on Earth, aren't they? You're going to leave me there, aren't you?"

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

Leonard nodded, glad that Katie was going to be able to see her family again. He knew how much they meant to her and she meant to them, especially since she had been so worried about them thinking that she was dead. He just hoped that everything went okay.

Sometimes, he worried about the fact that he was so attached to her and didn't want to leave her to deal with this alone if he could help it. He didn't know what this would do to either of them in long run, but for the moment, he needed to be there for her. He didn't want to lose her to the nightmares, memories and emotions of what had been inflicted on her. He didn't know what he'd do if he did.

So when she started worrying about him leaving her, he pulled her closer, holding her tight. "I don't know what they're gonna decide," he said softly. "But I'm not gonna leave you if I can help it. Right now, you need me, and that's all that I can about. If I have to, I'll request leave."

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie felt guilty. She didn't want him to put his life on hold because of her. She wanted him to be happy, and she wasn't sure if she could give him that anymore. Katie still had a lot of healing and she couldn't ask him to stand by her every step of the way.

But she couldn't live without him either. The thought of being away from him made her throat tighten with panic.

"You don't have to," Katie said as she started to cry. She pulled herself away from him, knowing she needed to learn how to comfort herself again. She couldn't expect him to do it for her. "You can't put your life or career on hold because of me. We aren't even together anymore, Leo. I can't do this to you."

She slipped out of the bed and went to find a tissue. As she found one, she looked over at him. "I don't want you to hate me someday because you stayed with me and put up with all of this," she said.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

"Katie," Leonard said softly. He let her move away, not wanting to force anything on her, knowing that he had to let her deal with some of this in her own way. "My career is helping people, and if I can't help someone I care about then what good am I as a doctor?"

He watched her for a moment and then went over to her, touching her shoulder but not doing anything more for the moment.

"I would never hate you. Not when it would be my decision. You've been through so much, and even though I wouldn't dare compare my experience to yours, I know how hard it is to go through somethin' alone," he told her. "If I can be there for you, I will be."

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

"You're a medical doctor, love, not a psychiatrist. It's not your job to make me feel better," Katie told him.

When he came over and touched her shoulder, Katie looked down at the floor and shook her head. "Things like this changes people. WHen I'm done healing, I might not be the same person. What if I become a person you couldn't possibly love or be around," she said.

Looking up, she shook her head. "God, Leo, I love you so much. Thought about you all the time when we were apart. It was the thought of you that got me through the horrific week," Katie said, tears coming to her eyes. "You've been through so much already. You've felt so much pain and lost so much, and I don't want to add to that. I can't add to it."

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

"I know that. I just want to help even if I know I can't make it better," he replied. "And I know this kind of thing changes people. I'm not the same person I was before I...before my father died and Jocelyn left me. I don't expect you to be either."

When she then told him how much she loved him and how he had gotten her through, he felt his throat tighten. Especially when she started to cry. He couldn't leave her. He just couldn't. Moving closer, he wrapped his arms around her and held her.

"And if I walk away, I lose you. I already through I did not one, but twice. I'm not going to again," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "So much of my pain...it was because she wasn't there when I needed someone just to listen to me or to hold. Katie, I love you more than I can say. Please...don't push me away."

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie knew he understood. He had told her everything about his father's death, his divorce and his grief. She was just so scared of how all of this would end for them. Katie loved him more then anything and she wanted to be with him.

When he pulled her into a hug, Katie returned it. She held him as hard as she could and buried her face against his chest. Her Leonard. He would always be hers, not matter what happened. He had taught her how to love, how to pleasure him, and how to be a better person.

"Then don't walk away. Don't leave me, Leonard," she whispered against him. "I want you to stay. I want to be with you and only you. I love you so much."

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

Closing his eyes, Leonard continued to hold her close against him. He tilted his head, nuzzling her temple. Back in the Academy, he had been the first person she had ever slept with, but she had also been the first person he had been with since his divorce, and it was because of her that he knew he could love again.

Because of that, he knew he couldn't let her walk this path alone. No matter where it led. And no matter how long it took.

"Then I won't," he promised her. "I'm gonna be there with you every step of the way."

Nudging her head up so he could look at her, he gently wiped her tears from her eyes.

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie knew it wasn't going to be easy but it made her feel better to know he was going to be there for her. When he wiped her tears away, she gave him a small smile. "Thank you," she said just as it was announced they'd be arriving at the SpaceDock soon. "I should probably get showered and dressed."

By the time they were ready, the ship was docking. Those most injured were allowed to leave the ship first. When it was her turn, Katie went to a transport with Leonard and soon they were off to Earth. It felt strange to be back there but it also made her feel relieved.

Landing in San Francisco, Katie and Leo were told where the families were. Katie took Leonard's hand and walked with him to the area. There were a lot of people there but she easily found her family and rushed over to them. She hugged her parents tightly as she cried.

When sh pulled back, her father looked at Leonard and held out his hand.

"Thank you for looking out for her, son," Jonathan said.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

"Always, Katie," Leonard told her before slowly letting her go so they could get ready.

It wasn't long before they were back on Earth. The sun was bright as they walked off the transport, causing him to blink a little. There was always a period of adjustment to being back home after being in space.

When Katie took his hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze before they went in to find her family. Once they did, he stood back, letting her have her moment with them until her father turned to him to shake his hand.

"Anything for Katie," he said with a soft smile before looking over at her mother. "It's good to see you again, Professor Watley."

"Please, call me Amanda," she told him before giving him a hug. She then reached over and brushed Katie's hair back from her face. "I'm so glad to see again. When does Starfleet wants to talk to you?"

"This afternoon, I think," Leonard said, reaching up to rest his hand on the small of Katie's back. "So you all have some time together before then."

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie was glad her parents liked Leonard so much. It made all of this so much easier. They would understand why she needed him to be there. Shifting a bit, she reached back and took Leonard's hand again and wrapped her fingers around it.

"If that's the case, how about all of us have some breakfast? We can go to that little diner you like so much, Katie. I'm sure you're getting rather sick of the ship food," Jonathan said.

"That actually sounds nice," Katie said with a smile. Truth be told, she was getting sick of the ship food and having real food would be nice.

Following her parents to their vehicle, Katie kept her hand wrapped around Leonard's. The Academy was busy, like it always was, and she was starting to feel a little trapped. Moving closer to him, she took several deep breaths. Part of her wanted to hide somewhere but she didn't want to worry her parents.

"Are you all right, sweetheart?" Amanda asked.

Katie nodded and swallowed. "Yeah. Just getting used to being back on Earth," she said.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

The idea of going to eat at the diner sounded great. Ship food got pretty damn old after a while, especially when someone was recovering. Looking over at Katie, he gently tightened his hold on her hand and leaned over to kiss her temple. Maybe a bit of normalcy like this would do her a bit of good too.

As they crossed the grounds, he felt Katie move closer to him. He knew that she hadn't been around many people since her rescue, and he hoped that this wasn't going to be too much for her. He let go of her hand and instead slipped it around her waist to hold her close and let her know that he was right there. That he wasn't going to let them get separated.

"I can imagine it's a bit strange," Jonathan said. "Should we ask for a quiet corner at the diner?"

Leonard nodded. "That might be a good idea. Even for me, being back planetside can be a bit of an adjustment after so long."

As they continued to walk, he pressed his lips to her ear and whispered, "If you need space at any time, let me know, and I'll get you somewhere, okay?"

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie was glad Leonard understood what she needed. She was a bit concerned what this meant for her mental state. If she couldn't handle being around people, then what was she going to do? It worried her and she found herself thinking about it as she continued to walk toward her parents' vehicle. She didn't even hear what her parents were talking about.

When they got to the vehicle, Katie got in the very back with Leonard and laid her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes and listened as her mother ranted about some horse her aunt had gotten. Snuggling closer to Leonard, Katie squeezed her eyes shut.

It didn't take them long to get to the diner and when they did, Katie opened her eyes. Getting out of the car, she followed everyone in and went to sit with them in a quiet corner.

"They still make your favorite, sweetheart," Amanda said as she held up the menu. "Western omelet."

The thought of eating a whole omelet made her stomach turn a little and Katie shook her head. "I'm still getting used to eating again so I think some bacon and a pancake will be fine," she quietly said.

Amanda frowned and looked at Leonard before nodding. "All right. If that's what you want," she said.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

During the drive to the diner, Leonard slipped his arm around her and rested his head to hers. He knew that doing normal things like this were going to be difficult for a while, so he just needed her to know that if she needed breathing room, she could take it. He hoped her parents would understand too.

At the diner, he reached under the table when Amanda talked to Katie about what she was ordering and took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. When Amanda looked his way, he gave her a slight nod to let her know just to let her order the bacon and pancake. It was better that she eat something and keep it down than order something her stomach wasn't ready to handle.

"I think I'm going to have some grits and scrambled eggs," he finally decided himself. It had been a long time since he'd had some good grits.

Once everyone had ordered, he continued to hold Katie's hand. "How are classes going this term, Pro--I mean, Amanda," he asked.

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Once again, Katie was glad to have Leonard there with her. She didn't want her parents to worry and she knew having Leonard's opinion made them feel better. After ordering, she smiled when the waitress brought back her glass of Pepsi. It was hard to get her favorite drink in space.

"They've been going quite well. I have a first year cadet that might be vying to be the next Jim Kirk, though," Amanda said with a laugh.

"That's a scary thought," Katie said with a small laugh before she pushed her straw into her glass and took a small drink. "How are things with you, Dad?"

"Rather well, actually. Had a few good classes this term and I've decided to take the summer off so your mother and I can go on a lengthy holiday," her father said.

"Good," Katie said as their food arrived. She picked up a fork and slowly started to eat.

"How are things on the Enterprise, Leonard?" Amanda asked.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

"The next Jim Kirk? Oh God, help all of us," Leonard said, shaking his head. The galaxy really only had enough room in it for one. He couldn't imagine two of them.

Picking up he coffee, he took a drink while Katie talked to her dad. He didn't want to put himself into the conversation too much if he could help it since he knew Katie needed to re-acclimate to her family as much as anything else. They in many ways were her first steps.

However, when Amanda asked her question, he looked over at her, setting his fork against his plate. "Well. She has a good crew and a great medical staff. I know they'll be fine while I'm here on Earth," he said, reaching over under the table to gently rub his hand against Katie's leg.

"How long do you think you'll be here?" Jonathan asked.

"As long as I'm needed." He took a bite of his grits.

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

As Leonard and her parents talked, Katie set about cutting up her pancake. She took several bites, not realizing how hungry she really was. When Leonard said he was going to stay for as long as he needed, she sighed and looked over at her mother.

"What are the chances Starfleet will let me continue being an officer," she asked her.

"That's hard to tell, sweetheart. How about you get through the debriefings first. They'll be able to figure things out after that," Amanda said. "ANd I spoke to Admiral Johnson and asked him to take it easy on you. There's no need for you to be traumatized again."

"Mum!" Katie said. "I don't bloody need you telling people to take it easy on me. I spent a week in a damn cage. I think I can handle a bunch of uppity Admirals."

"Katherine, I don't think your mother meant it like that," Jonathan said.

"Whatever. I'm not hungry anymore," Katie said as she stood from the table. "I'm going to the bathroom."

Without another word, she went to the bathroom. She went in and sat on the counter as tears ran down her face. She just wanted people to stop acting like she was about to break.

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

As soon as Amanda told them what she had done, Leonard knew this wasn't going to end well. He understood why she had - hell, if Joanna were in Katie's place, he'd want to do everything he could to protect her too. But at the same time, he knew Katie just needed people to let her deal with things like the debriefing, if nothing else than to prove to herself that she could.

After Katie left the table, he looked at her parents and sighed. "You meant well, but--."

"I just...the thought of what they did to her..." Amanda said softly. "Even I never..."

"You were lucky then. I've known a few now," he said. Katie, the other survivors, Captain Pike... "She needs to get through this on her terms."

As Amanda nodded, he excused himself and went to the bathroom. He didn't want to just walk in, so he knocked first.

"Katie, it's me." He slowly opened the doors and peeked in. "Can I come in?"

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

Katie continued to sit on the counter, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated this. When she joined Starfleet she knew of the dangers but she didn't think she would be thrown in a damn cage for a week. Where in the hell was Starfleet when they were needed? Why hadn't they sent out a search party?

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs; curse all the people that didn't care enough to even look for them. Now she was going to have to face Starfleet and none of them understood. Her parents weren't even trying to understand. All they wanted to do was sweep it under the rug and it pissed her off.

When the knock came, Katie looked up and glared at the door. "I don't care," she said when the door opened and Leonard looked in. "No lectures."

With a deep breath, she reached over and pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser. "I just want people to stop telling me what to do and how to feel. I know my parents meant well but they weren't there. They need to let me do this on my own. All of you need to. If I can't get through this afternoon on my own, then I'm never going to heal."

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

Walking over, he hitched himself onto the counter to sit next to her, not caring that he was in the ladies' room. He shook his head at her.

"I'm not gonna lecture," he told her. "Just came in to check on you."

As she spoke, he looked at her, nodding slightly in response to her. "You're right - this is something you need to take on yourself. None of us can do this for you, and we shouldn't. They're the ones that need to understand that."

Taking a deep breath, he looked at her. "What do you want to do now?"

[knowshowtosurf.livejournal.com]

When he sat down next to her, Katie laid her head against his shoulder. She was once again grateful that he was letting her do this the way she needed to. Reaching down, she took his hand and sighed. She knew she needed to talk to her parents and explain to them that she needed to do this on her own terms.

"I want to get out of here and just get this day over with," Katie quietly admitted.

She wasn't looking forward to telling her story again, but it had to be done. It was the first step in many that she would have to take before all of this would be over with. But she knew the debriefings would be the hardest part.

"Once I get through this debriefings, I think I'll be able to start the healing process. I just want to feel whole again." she told him. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her tears away. "Lets get out of here and get my parents. I don't want to be late."

[julepsnmedicine.livejournal.com]

Leonard rested his cheek to her head and held her hand in his, nodding when she spoke. He didn't blame her at all. He knew this was going to be a very difficult day, but if she could get through it, at least she could try to move forward, as she said.

"I know you do, darling," he said softly before kissing her temple. "And I know you can do it."

Getting off the counter, he took her hand to help her down. After embracing her for a moment, he then took her hand and left the bathroom with her to go find her parents and then head back to Starfleet Command.